I can’t write my favorite character

I try to develop some kind of relationship with my narrators, which might sound weird. But the protagonist of my main story WIP I'm working on deeply values autonomy, and resists being controlled. My job as an author is to construct a story, which means there is a level of control involved. And hence, my narrator is very resistant to me. I know he’s fictional, but I wanted to respect him, and so we had to constantly negotiate.

Even though I really wanted to put my protagonist in college classes, dealing with interpreters and all that, the protagonist…simply does not give a fuck. Like yes, he ‘attends’ classes, but he doesn’t think it’s worth talking about. So there’s no real scenes with classes at this point, so I had to figure out an alternate way to include a scene with the interpreter that the narrator is willing to narrate. My point is, there needs to be a trust and intimacy between me and the narrator. It’s weird to say this because it’s all technically in my mind, but yeah.

Which brings me to my problem. my favorite character will not let me in. Sad, because Parker Neamorox is a film major, and it’d be gold for me to access their perspective. We’re actually quite aligned on a lot of things; over-investing in things we care about, identifies as someone who does advocacy work, and opinionated. And most importantly, Deaf. Parker Neamorox is the very first enby character I made, and I made them around 2025, and I promised myself I was going to do that character justice. Deaf and enby, while a rare sight, will not define them. What will define them is their character. Over time, a more nasty side of Parker gradually emerged and ended up being my story’s central antagonist, while the previous antagonist mellowed out significantly.

This is not to say Parker is inherently a bad person, but just like with everyone else, there are ugly sides of them. As well as good sides. It’s so riveting to write them as an antagonist towards my protagonist because Parker is the epitome of ‘good intents, bad actions’. They also are not emotionally intelligent and just very pragmatic. Easy to write from outside… but incredibly, incredibly difficult to write from inside. My brain basically runs on emotions, and I like to be dramatic. Parker does not think the way I think, at all. I prefer to write in a first person perspective as it supports my style of storytelling the best; stream-of-consciousness, slice-of-life, with crude thoughts. I also like pushing the English language to their limits. I will say, starting this blog gives me an idea. Maybe I can’t write from inside Parker’s brain, so… I will let Parker write a blog post and see how it goes.


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Heyyy, everyone! I know it has been a while since my last blog post. So many incredible stuff had happened since then. I moved to DC for a few months for an internship. I found a special someone and made loads upon loads of connections! Without further ado, let’s start with Washington DC!

I have only went to DC once in my life before, so I was quite nervous! My mother along with her boyfriend joined me on my flight to DC. The flight from my home to DC went smoothly for the most part. I arrived a bit early, as I wanted to explore the city a bit, and get used to it, before working at an internship! And as for my mom, I think it’s a mix of her wanting to ensure I’m okay (y’know, moms…) and an excuse to have a vacation. The highlight of that vacation was that I have visited Gallaudet University for a day, because I just wanted to experience it, and every single person I met there was just so incredibly wonderful.

The first few days was quite enjoyable, but I didn’t forget why I was really here for. The summer internship at a company called The Deaf-led Film Studio. From the bottom of my heart, the internship has been a wonderful experience, truly. Every single person who I worked with is deeply passionate and invested. It’s also unique how they are committed to Deaf accessibility, and I want to uphold that standard everywhere else. The main thing I learned about this internship is the experience and how to invest effort in it. I already was putting in effort, but this internship really emphasized the importance of this, and it is something I will keep with me for the rest of my life as I advance in my own career. I was especially honored to work with them, and I had such an amazing experience. Not to mention, it was a certainly an interesting experience living in a city I am unfamiliar with for three months. It was phenomenal for my growth and I deeply valued the exposure. Once those three months were up, and it was en route back to my hometown… I found myself longing for DC. Hot, murky, but… it had a calling to me.

I had to fly back home and continue attending school! (ugh… school, am I right?)

So that’s the deep dive of what’s going on with my life recently!

Bye, bye!

Parker Neamorox :)

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The problem is quite obvious to me. I find myself going… okay, but what did you do at the internship? Is everyone actually wonderful? I found myself questioning their accounts. The biggest issue is that it's lacking specific content.

Note that Parker's personality did not come through at all. They are incredibly image-conscious and overpolish to a fault. When writing this, I have begun to wonder whether Parker is innately a writer in the way my narrator is. Also to be fair, they aren’t that type of person to run a blog.

I will need to spend some time thinking. Perhaps a different format? I don’t have any ideas right now. Might make a follow-up post of me attempting to write Parker again. We’ll see.